The Joker messaged me on OKcupid

Heeeey guys let's just sidle into this room and pretend like I haven't been missing for months upon end. Let's pretend that I didn't cheat on my two girlfriends Blogger and Livejournal with my new flame, Tumblr, who is a hot-ass bitch and ready to rumble at a moment's notice. Let's pretend it didn't take me three tries to log in to this account because I almost forgot the password.

What has brought me back to my old flame? Well, as the title says, I got a message from the Joker on OKcupid.

So the OKCupid (I don't know the proper capitalization scheme so I'm just going to randomize it) account that I have was made in a fit of irritation last semester, and so far has yielded one awkward first date and not much else. I forget that I have it for weeks at a time (much like some other accounts) and then log on again when I get an email notification and go, "Oh damn, there's still not really anyone interesting on here!"

And lo, today, did I get an email that said that someone had sent me a message, and so did I hie me to okCupid to view it with mine eyes. And lo, was it some fool.

Here is a bit of TMI background information: while I am attracted to people of all genders, I do not like having things stuck up in my business, so I usually make it a practice to not date people with penises. This is in the interest of fairness to the penis-haver more than anything else. I refrain from calling myself a lesbian because A) like I said I'm attracted to all genders, and B) I would totally have sex with a pre-op trans gentleman, or a cis gentleman who doesn't want to use his penis for whatever reason.
I have this information in a somewhat more succinct manner on my OkCupid profile, in which I also mention that I'm not really looking to date men, but would be interested in meeting men to hang out with platonically. I am also listed as "Bisexual" due to lack of better options.

And so I get this fellow sending me a message, asking, (paraphrased) "You say you're bisexual, but then you won't date anyone with a penis? What's the point of dating someone if you're not going to have sex with them?" Note the lack of "Hi" or "How are you" or "You seem like an interesting person, and not a machine for me to submit questions to without even exchanging cursory pleasantries. Do you want to hang out?"

So I looked at his profile. And I discovered that he is, in fact, the Joker.

At first I laughed my ass off, and then I felt kind of bad for laughing because it's not his fault that he has a totally terrifying smile and crazy eye contact (hell, I have a weird smile, I can't point fingers), so I probably shouldn't make fun of him on the internet for it. But then I looked at his profile and decided that it was okay to make fun of him, because he turns out to be a bit charmless and I'm enough of an asshole to think he's funny.

Also: He fucks with Batman.

 So the first red flag is that OkcuPid has this system where you answer questions and then deem answers acceptable or unacceptable, which results in each profile telling you how you and the other person match up, percentage-wise.
This is my result with the Joker:

38% enemy is pretty high, for someone to check out your profile. So this is what we disagree on, in list form:

• He's transphobic (he considers sex changes "unacceptable" and believes that gender roles should not be fucked with) and homophobic (would not consider dating someone who has slept with the same sex) and a bit mysoginistic as well ("women should always shave their legs")
• Somewhat controlling/clingy (believes he should be able to forbid his significant other from talking to people, seems super, super invested in the idea of a partner, to the point of not actually wanting a life of his own outside of a relationship)
• Despite his serious investment in finding love, he's curiously sex-negative (friends with benefits are "gross" in his opinion) and is in fact a 26 year old virgin.
• He seems to believe in eugenics, based on his answer to a question about sterilizing people with low IQ's, but does not believe in messing with nature or "changing God's plan".
• He doesn't really read, so he says.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Joker.