Yeezy-us Christ

Hey guys, you know Kanye West?
Yeah, um, yeah. You do. Don't lie and say you don't know him.

So I don't listen to the guy, but I did somehow get linked to his twitter, and despite the fact that the words "twitter" and "Kanye" are enough to make me want to hang someone, I took a look, intending to do a thorough sporking of his shoddy work.
I approached it using the buddy system- I was chatting on Facebook with my friend/pen pal Alyssa at the time, screaming about how much I hate editing people's work in my writing class (that's a post for another time, but it will be good), and we started looking at the twitter. Some gems, copy/pasted for your amusement:

I feel so blessed to be a professional musician. This is really the dream. Thank you. Ima keep giving yall dope shit.
Thanks Kanye! Thanks for the dope shit!

I would like to thank Julius Caesar for originating my hairstyle

Ceasar: No, Kanye, thank you.








As pop stars we're all in this shit together! We on the inside of the TV!
This right here? Right above this line? That's when I started sort of getting Stockholm Syndrome about Kanye West.
Because...this stuff isn't just funny because it's apalling (although most of it is funny because it's apalling). There are a few posts that are funny because they're funny. I actually laughed out loud, non-ironically, a few times. But then he posts something like this:

I'm one of the most considerate people in real life. Maybe over considerate. Over caring. Overly real.
...and I'm right back to laughing my ass off.

I thought LOL signified a joke... I didn't get the 2011 LOL doesn't signify a joke anymore memo... LOL or something else I guess
BITING SOCIAL COMMENTARY GUYS

Fuck the past... Make love to the future!
And go down on the present? Or does the present just get a kiss on the cheek?

CAN WE PLEASE TOAST TO THE MUTHAFUCKIN DOUCHEBAGS TONIGHT!!!
OKAY!!!

JUST GOT TO LONDON!!! YOU KNOW I HAD TO PUT MY CAPS LOCK ON! I DON'T TYPE IN CAPS CAUSE I'M MAD I TYPE IN CAPS CAUSE I'M LAZY!!!

Why Halloween bring out girls inner hoe... I was sposed to type freak but I just typed what I really meant instead. LOL
I think I figured it out, guys. Kanye West is actually secretly a 10 year old boy.
But he has advice for everything from fashion:
Black is the new black

...to education (and humility)...
You have to balance ignorance with intellect! Can't have school with out recess! #Greatesttweetofalltime

...to art.
I love commercial art!!! I know that sounds like an oxy moron and if I spelled that wrong I just sound like a moron lol!!!


have my film air in less that 4 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm excited about the album and the film and I crazy new performance ideas!!!!
To quote Terry Pratchett: Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. So what does 16 exclamation marks say about you? (????????!!!!!!!!!)

I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle
This is like a Mitch Hedberg joke...

hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahah aaand 140
Guys, I could literally do this all day. What does that say about me?

But here's my number 1 favorite Kanye tweet:

WE LIVE THIS SHIT! WE EMBODY THIS SHIT! WE WOULD IDE FOR THIS SHIT SO YOU YOU CAN LIVE FOR THIS SHIT!

It was Alyssa who pointed out that he "ides" for this shit, so that "we we" can live for this shit. And thus we spent literally 15 minutes writing capslocked messages saying "I WILL IDE FOR THIS SHIT WILL YOU IDE FOR IT" and "ALYSSA IF YOU DON'T LIVE FOR THIS SHIT YOU WILL IDE FOR IT" and now we're never going to stop saying that ever so look what you've done, Kanye, look what you've done.

I'm going to leave you with two links that have to do with Kanye West and are also awesome. The first is Kanye + Comics, a tumblr that puts Kanye West lyrics on comic pages, and the second is a gallery of New Yorker cartoons with the captions replaced by Kanye tweets. I think I speak for us all when I say, Mr. West,

I WOULD IDE FOR THIS SHIT.